Ma..

How can I  put in words what you mean to me Ma?

You prayed for a lil gal of your own and thanks to God I was born in your womb :)
You were there waking up late nights to feed me when I was a baby..You were there beside me when I took my first steps.. You were the one who packed little treats in my lunch box. You were the one who fed me with your own hands coaxing me to eat the last bite("Last ghashu migale katire kha") which I never did.. You were the one who tucked me in bed with a kiss..I was a naughty kid..sometimes a cry baby.. sometimes a whiny one too( "Ammale myaana hi cheli").. but you always made me feel like I was the apple of your eyes..

I don't know if I have ever fully appreciated all that you have done for me.. I don't know if I have ever told you how lucky I feel to be your daughter. You were my first teacher..You encouraged me to dance..You encouraged me to paint..You supported every decision I made..You were my first teacher, be it in studies, cooking or just teaching me how the world works.

You were there with me during my toughest times..Holding my hand with tears in your eyes. I know it hurt you more than it did to me Ma.. You prayed to a thousand gods every day for my health..
My success makes you happy and how proudly you tell the world about me.
As days turned into years, you  made me a responsible kid. "Don't do this, don't do that", you said..Now I realize y u did..

Seven years I was away from you..but every time when I came home from my hostel you made my favorite dishes..right from the airport where you would come holding a bag of food for me..(Phale kasane korche gondu khavche ka :)) you waited patiently for me to come from work to have tea with me.. You ate with relish all the different dishes I experimented..

You have dedicated your entire life to make us happy.. You have supported all of us in every decision we made..You  have taken care of every whim n fancy of ours.

I love u more than I can ever say in words.. I am truly blessed to be your daughter and I can't begin to tell how how proud I am of you!

Love u Ma  :)

Lessons Learnt the hard way!

“Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand.” I can confidently say I am the best example for this Chinese proverb. I have a bad memory when it comes to names. "Hi!, I am Suguna", I say to the person I meet. The guy in front of me tells me, "Hi, I am so-and-so". The next moment, I am like was that guy’s name so-and-so or this-and-that? My brother used to take me on his bike around Bangalore and would show me this is KG Road, this is Minerva circle, THIS is town hall. Meanwhile behind him, the only things running in my head were, "Isn't it really hot today?", "Would I reaally reach home by 8?" "Would I miss that TV show I wanted to see all week?"

However I have learnt my lessons in life somewhat the hard way. Early in life I developed the art of investigation ;) I loved experimenting with new stuff, exploring the what ifs, seeking the unknown and improve my knowledge as I liked to believe back then.

One of the instances where I demonstrated my thirst for learning was at the age of 4. I had seen all these movies where the hero sheds his blood for his country/beloved whichever case was applicable. I was intrigued by this concept. I suddenly wondered if I had blood. And how better could I know that than to find it out myself. I found an old pencil sharpener lying on the ground uncared for. I picked it and inserted my tiny finger into it and BAM..I succeeded. Tiny droplets of blood started oozing out. Thank God I did have blood after all!!  By now my mom had found me in a corner of a room and driven some sense into my head and told me if I was so curious I could have just asked instead of all the trouble I went to.. But then it would not have been so wonderful would it? I learnt through this that curiosity kills a cat or atleast causes it to bleed.

Soon I set out to discover the what ifs. One day I was sitting by myself surrounded by a pool of toys. A strip of tablets had innocently crept in with my world of make believe. My mom who noticed it told me before she went for a bath, "Be careful with it.. Don’t put it in your ear or something. " Well that sounded like an awesome thing to do! I freed the tiny tablet from its covers and POP I put in my ear happily. By the time my mom was out, I could make out a voice far away asking me what I did with the missing tablet. My mom took me to the ear specialist who after removing the tiny tablet told me; "In future don’t put such tiny tablets in your ear." I quipped, "Next time will a bigger tablet do?" :P I realized that day that it is the small things in life that truly matter!

The next pearl of learning came in from a very public occasion. I was a very confident speaker as a kid. I was participating in a singing competition. I went up to the stage stood in front of the mike. Immediately I spotted my best friend sitting in the front row, smiling at me. I looked at her and started singing "Vijay Vishwa Tiranga  Pyara"  My friend unfortunately chose that very moment to turn and speak to the person next to her. And lo and behold I forgot what came next. I blanked out. I saw my teacher encouraging me to continue. Undeterred I started again.."Vijay Vishwa Tiranga Pyara"..and then it happened AGAIN. I had no clue what was next. I walked back stage midst the roaring laughter with misty eyes and a drawn face. My teacher however recognized what had happened. I had lost my confidence forever, I had vowed I would never step on the stage again. So the next time there was a recitation competition she enrolled me despite all my pleadings and requests. This time I went up to the stage like a defeated lion about to perform in front of a circus. I looked around me scared to the bones, then made up mind and started, "I had a little duckling and the little duckling died."  I don’t remember what I said next. No I did complete it, it was so fast I practically ran off the stage when I was done. To my utter surprise I was announced as the winner of the competition. This was a lesson in perseverance. Maybe I will be laughed at the first time, maybe I will never complete what I set put to do, but u cannot fail unless you give up.You are undefeated until you accept defeat. So try try till you succeed.

I am sure we have all had similar experiences in life. Some enlightening, some fascinating, some proud, some embarrassing.  What is important however is what we have learnt through these incidents.  I leave you with a quote to think about- “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do...Explore. Dream. Discover.” 

1984- A book review

How would you feel if you realize that your thoughts are not your own? How would you feel if all your thoughts were continuously monitored by a group of people whose only job is to make sure you do not think out of the line? What if your deepest thoughts and feelings were put up on display on a giant screen for everyone to see? Would you like to live in a place where Working, eating, drinking, sleeping, talking, thinking, procreating...in short living, all are controlled by the state?

It was a bright cold day in April and the clock struck thirteen. This is how it all begins. This is how the book 1984 starts.

 The author of this bleak haunting frightening yet incredible and mind-blowing book is Eric Arthur Blair better known by his pen name, George Orwell. George Orwell is best known  for   1984 and Animal Farm —they have together sold more copies than any two books by any other twentieth-century author. In 1998, the Modern Library ranked 1984 13th on its list of the 100 best English-language novels of the 20th century.  1984 is a 1948 dystopian novel about an oligarchic, collectivist society.

1984 occurs in Oceania, one of three intercontinental super-states who divided the world among themselves after a global war. Posters of the Party leader, Big Brother, bearing the caption BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU attack the landscape, while the telescreen a transceiving television ubiquitously monitors the private and public lives of the populace. Life in the Oceanian province of Airstrip One is a world of perpetual war, pervasive government surveillance, and incessant public mind control. The individual is always subordinated to the state, and it is this philosophy which allows the Party to manipulate and control humanity.

The social class system is threefold:  the upper-class Inner Party, the middle-class Outer Party, and the lower-class Proles , who represent the working class. As the government, the Party controls the population through  four government ministries: the Ministry of Peace-Minipax which reports Oceania's perpetual war., Ministry of Plenty-rations and controls food, goods, and domestic production; Ministry of Love which identifies, monitors, arrests, and converts real and imagined dissidents. The dissident is believed  to be beaten and tortured, then, when near-broken, is sent to Room 101 to face "the worst thing in the world"—until love for Big Brother and the Party replaces dissension, and the Ministry of Truth- which controls information: news, entertainment, education, and the arts.

This is where protagonist Winston Smith  works as an editor revising historical records to concord the past to the present and deletes the official existence of people identified as unpersons. The three slogans of the Party are: WAR IS PEACE. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH. Any hint of disobedience or dislike can be detected by various state apparatus such as the Thought Police, telescreen, or even children, who will not hesitate to betray their parents to the authorities. Even language is modified in such ways that you cannot express yourself, since individualism is a crime.

What happens when one person defies the rules and begins to nurse doubts about the Party and its monopoly on truth? What happens when one person decides to go against the all powerful Big Brother?   Winston Smith does precisely this. The story follows Winston on his journey to discover the truth about the society in which he lives and his hopes to make things right by attempting to join the Brotherhood, an organization dedicated to the destruction of the Party. His meager existence disillusions him to the point of seeking rebellion against Big Brother, eventually leading to his arrest, torture, and reconversion.   The story is so powerful and disturbing that you can’t help but imagine yourself alongside Wilson, living in the dreadful world where the past is controlled, rewritten into something that will strengthen the incumbent ruler.

Now you may think..Thank god that was just a story. But is it really just a part of fiction, a figment of our imagination in the present times? Day in and day out we are continuously under the surveillance of cameras and webcams. We have reality shows, the 24/7 news channels which are always on the hunt for some sensational  news, the omni-present internet where all our personal information are available a click away. Your mail engine reads through our mail and spams you with advertisements related to them. Given a chance they could make an entire profile of you, your likes, dislikes, your interests, your contacts, not sparing even  your deepest darkest secrets. Aren't we all living in a world where a lie repeated over and over again eventually is accepted as the truth? The dots are there to connect them. But the real question is, will you dare to do it, like Winston smith did? All I have is a piece of advice; remember The Big Brother is always watching!!

Back to school..

It has been over 2 months since the woman ( yes I had to say it) took the next big step. It has been a challenging journey to say the least. Time has certainly flown by.  Now I am here in Raleigh on a Sunday evening( Oh wait.. 10pm is actually considered night isn't it? Well  in graduate life the night has just started!) listening to Wake Up Sid songs on repeat mode, introspecting  over the decision made.

It started off with the longgg tiring journey from Bangalore to Raleigh. A group of 20 slightly familiar yet unknown faces set out to take on this trip. Together we experienced a plethora of emotions.. The grief  of leaving family and friends behind, the excitement of starting a new phase of life, the satisfaction of making it this far, the happiness of making new friends, the fear of the unknown, wondering if things will ever be the same after this..

The first few weeks went by in a whiff..

 Setting up bank accounts, getting student IDs, house lease, electricity, water phew... Things that were taken care of automatically back at home were a pain here. Then came the shopping spree. From home decor to bare essentials, from staple foods to exotic fruits, from sleeping bags to frozen vegetables a whole variety of new commodities..



Some first impressions..

To-do- Paint the Free Expression Tunnel!

The Comp-Sci department

Go wolves! !\m/!

As I was taking a break from the madness I just realized its been a wonderful 2 months. Full of ups and downs.. Some days there seem to be no time to study.. some days even to  think..But it feels really good to be back again in the learning curve..It  is a dream come true to be learning it the right way.. Away from all the mugging into the world of real application. Hopefully this curve goes up for another year!

The beginning..

I have always heard the phrase-Its not the end, it is only the beginning..But I realized what it actually meant only 5 days ago..I had to hand in my resignation on the 20th of June, 2012. 


It was a one-minute task. I had typed in the mail to my manager explaining my reasons and I just had to press the 'Send' button. It sounded like a pretty small task but it took me nearly 2 hours to do it!


My head was swarming with thoughts.. I had planned this day since almost a year. Through gruelling exams, endless applications, writing statements of purpose, pleading with Profs for letters of recommendations, the nail-biting wait for University results, convincing parents, the scary all-deciding Visa Interview,  I was certain and confident about my decision. But now I couldn't help thinking.. "Is this the right decision to make", " What am I doing? Leaving a secure job to again step into the world of insecurities" I was getting cold feet!


The decision had already been made long back, it was just the time to execute the decision. That is when some of the dearest people in my life helped make it. I started a trip down memory lane.. Revisited my goals and aspirations..I realized that higher studies had always been on the cards. It was only a question of when? Right from engineering, I knew I wanted more. The job was just a detour on my way to success..


I will surely miss the excitement of work, the sense of achievement, the zeal to go beyond, but at the same time I am looking forward to a whole new world of possibilities. Is this decision right? I guess only time will tell :)